Confessions
by Leyaeb
Summary: Albus's words to Minerva after he explains to Harry about the Mirror of Erised in Book 1, followed by a note to Minerva after the fight with the basilisk. Please R and R!
1. Chapter 1

            I own nothing…Harry Potter is J.K. Rowlings.

I finally revealed myself to Harry tonight.  It was difficult for me to break in on his happiness, but I knew that I needed to explain some things to him.  It broke my heart, sitting there watching him watch his parents.  The look in his eyes...I do not know.  It was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a very long time.  When I spoke, he could barely keep his eyes off of the Mirror.  Such is its power; it can make one doubt everything in ones life except what is happening in the glass.

            He seemed to be somewhat embarrassed that I had seen him watching his family.  He does not know how much I cared for James and Lily, for his grandparents on his fathers side...James was one of my closest friends, despite our age difference.  Age rarely means anything to me, as you well know.

            I did not wish to simply tell Harry the purpose of the Mirror; that is not my way and never has been.  We discussed his vision as well as Ronald Weasleys.  When we had finally voiced the function of the Mirror, Harry looked ashamed.  I could tell that he felt vulnerable; he had just admitted to me that his deepest, darkest desire was to have family and have love.  I could have told him that I love him as a son or grandson, and that you do as well, but I did not.  I did not wish to make him feel more uncomfortable than he did already.  I will tell him someday, perhaps when he is angry at me.  It would be a way to bring him back to the present to see that I am not against him.

            I suggested that we both return to bed.  As we were leaving, Harry stopped me.  He requested to ask me a question.  I knew what was coming, and a million thoughts ran through my head.  He asked me what I saw in the mirror.

            I must admit that I was not truthful.  I was not entirely untruthful either, but I kept much from him.  I told him that I saw myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks.  I told him that all I ever received for Christmas was books.  Of course, one Christmas many years ago I received the best gift I could ever hope to...you.  But such information is not meant for eleven-year-old boys.

            I certainly did not lie out of malice.  No, rather I left out information that he would not understand anyway.  He could, in time, and if he was told all the background.  But my vision in the Mirror of Erised is far too complicated to describe to anyone but you.  Harry would have to know about the prophecy, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew...he would have to know exactly what is at stake in this ongoing war with Voldemort...what the Order has gone through to fight him.  He would have to know about my love for him, and...my love of you.

            I see myself holding socks, yes.  But that is not of importance.  I see all the members of the Order, alive.  I see Harry standing with Lily and James, Sirius Black next to them.  I still do not believe that he would betray James.  Time will tell.  Sirius is next to Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew is not there.  Though I can see no sign that Voldemort is not there, I see no sign that he is there either.  There is a feeling of happiness and peace in the air that is almost tangible...Voldemort is gone.  I see a ring on your finger, and all those present are aware of my arm around your waist.  I can hold you in public.  You turn to look at me, and I kiss you.  We do not have to be careful anymore; we can be as open about our love as we wish to.  There is no danger; Voldemort cannot use our love against us.

            Even now, hours later, I can still see the happiness evident in every face.  I can see your beautiful face looking up into mine.  I can feel your skin against mine.

            I hope that such bliss is not as impossible as it seems to me.  Peace seems to be a goal too distant to be reached.  But I still hold onto my vision, hoping that it will come true one day.  Until then, I will have to be satisfied with what I have.  It is not difficult.  In spite of the horrors in the world, I am happy.  In some ways, I have never been happier.  I thank you for that.

            Thank you also for letting me explain my thoughts to you.  You do not know how comforting it is to know that there is always someone there to listen to you, especially someone more intelligent, understanding, thoughtful, decent, and beautiful than any other woman in the world.

            I love you, Minerva.    


	2. Chapter 2

                Looking back on the events of this year, your words come back to haunt me.  I wonder if I will ever be confident about my choice.  It troubles me that we do not agree about his issue; it is one of the few things in which we have ever been at odds.  But, as you said, I must do what I believe is right.  I still feel that Harry is too young to know about the prophecy.

                You were very right when you once told me that my heart is my greatest weakness.  I know that I am avoiding telling Harry the truth for more reasons that his age.  I love him as I loved James and Lily and I cannot bear to cause him more pain.  You saw straight through me, as you always have.

                This whole situation reminds me of your seventh year when you kept information from me about Grindelwald, but it was also different then.  I forced you to tell me, and I did it to protect you.  I wonder what will force me to tell Harry, how much longer I can protect him.

                Harry did not ask me any more about Voldemort's plan this year as he did last; perhaps he was too exhausted from his fight with the basilisk.  This was an immense relief as it gave me the excuse to remain silent yet again.

                It is strange…I see so many similarities between Harry and you.  I care for you both more than I could ever say…you each lost your parents to Dark Lords and you have gone through more pain than anyone I have ever known.  My instincts to protect you were always correct.  I hope your similarities will be true in this aspect of your lives as well.

                I do not know.  I feel disoriented and in the dark.  I do not know what I should do anymore.  My heart may be my greatest weakness, but it is also the only thing that is keeping me competent in this crazy world.  The only things I am sure of are my love for Harry and my love for you, but unfortunately, these are keeping me from making decisions that must be made.  I must hasten to action, but I do not know what.

                I have always gone with my instincts before and they have never led me astray.  I hope the same will hold true now; that I am correct to withhold the information from Harry.  I have a feeling we will know, for better or for worse, in a matter of years.

                Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your love and support.  I know we disagree, but I know you would be behind any choices I make, no matter what.  Such faithful companionship is rare and I am very blessed to have you in my life, my Minerva.

                With my deepest love, Albus


End file.
